Its a "Johnson" thing....: 2015

A quiet moment alone for a mother of three? It's almost unheard of! But yes folks....I actually have a quiet moment to myself to write this post. Finally! Woohoo!

(okay, I scarcely wrote that sentence above when I realized my 2 year old--who was supposed to be napping--pooped in her pants. After I got that cleaned up, by baby of 11 weeks woke up screaming from his nap. My “moment” ended quickly!)

I call this my longest fast birth story, because it takes longer to tell the story than that of the actual birth. Ha! Well, that’s almost true.

If you want to skip all the glorious details and read the "short version", scroll to the bottom of the post and you'll see it there.

Warning: All men should STOP reading :-) You don't wanna hear it.

Here are the details of the day and then the labor/birth that night:

On Wednesday, January 21^st, I went to my regular prenatal doctor appointment. The doc said I was about 4cm dialated and 70% effaced. Good news! That means it was getting CLOSER.

I went home to finish up things on my Pre-Baby Checklist I’d made a few weeks before. All day I was Go-Go-Go! I worked on my daughter’s room which we were remodeling. I did tons of laundry. I had Owen play in the snow with a honey bear container – I refilled it with water and food coloring, and he took it outside and squirted it everywhere making all kinds of letters and designs in the snow. I walked ½ mile on the treadmill.

After a long day of cleaning and walking I was pretty tired. For dinner I reheated a tray of enchiladas that my Relief Society president brought over. What an ANGEL she is! I just love her, AND her amazing enchiladas. I’ve asked her for the recipe, and I’ll keep hounding her for it until she spills the beans. Mmmm it was SO good!

Brian took Owen and Kate to his brother’s highschool basketball game. While they were gone, I drove myself to town and exchanged a diaper bag. I walked all over TJMaxx and somehow left with just the 1 item I intended on buying. How does that happen? Haha

Now back home, its 8 or 9pm. I painted some trim and fixed caulking in a bathroom, cleaned up the house more, took out the trash, etc…

Brian and the kids came home. I got the kids in bed.

Then, I cleaned the cushions of our glider-rocking chair. [A few days before, Katelyn smeared Vaseline all over into the fabric cushions. Commence eye roll… Anyway… ]

I finished cleaning the chair around 12:30am. Moved the laundry over again. I got ready for bed and was almost asleep when I heard Katelyn crying. (its now 1:30am) She is half naked and crying. Nothing I try makes her happy. Tough night! Finally, she is calmed down enough and I go upstairs to go to bed.

It’s now about 2:00am and I fall into bed. Oh my glorious bed! It’s been a LONG day, and already a LONG night. I’m SO tired and soooo ready to relax.

I feel my first contraction. Its strong.
Then another.

“Oh boy” I think to myself. I get up and shower. The contractions continue to come. I get down on all 4’s in the shower and let the water hit my lower spine. It helps a little. This is intense back labor (oh my, it’s the worst!).

After the shower I yell to Brian to call his mom to come watch our kids. “Well, let me time them once more” I foolishly said. I let 8 minutes pass and I have 4 contractions. “Yeah, she needs to come NOW,” I shout.

2:22am – Brian calls her 3 times and there is no answer. Oh no! Luckily, she calls back right away. Phew! Okay, she is on her way.

I throw my once-packed hospital bag back together, because at one point it got un-packed when I needed something out of it. I’m pausing between contractions to breath. I sit on the toilet for a few contractions because I feel like I can’t hold in my pee. I put on a little make-up.

I start blow drying my freshly washed hair. I do it the FAST way because the contractions are getting much worse. I’m no longer timing them, because it takes too much mental power while I’m trying to get things ready to go our the door and the contractions are coming too fast.

Intense back pain.

I ask Brian to push on my back. I’m in a weird position leaning over the bed while he pushes and the pushing doesn’t help the pain…made me a little ticked off. Haha. (sorry Brian!)

I ask him for a priesthood blessing. He does it immediately while I kneel at the foot of the bed. Another contraction during the blessing. I try to concentrate.

2:40am - My mother in law, Nancy, arrives. I finish blowing my hair while Brian and she discuss the details of the kids (Owen’s bus, car seats, etc…) Just before we leave I have another contraction that is 20x worse than any before. Nancy and Brian are talking and I ask them to “shhhhh”…which they don’t!! They lowered their voices, but any sound at all was upsetting to me (sorry if I snapped!).

2:45am – we are in the car driving to the hospital. I’m on my knees on the floor of the front seat, elbows on the seat, gripping the back of the passenger chair. I try to push my lower back into the glove compartment for counter-pressure, it doesn’t help at all.

I’m timing the contractions again, but it’s getting harder. [looking back at my contraction timer phone app, I timed them from 2:48am to 3:02am. They are coming every 1:50 or 2 minutes and lasting a full minute. That’s only a 1 minute rest in between contractions]

I yell at Brian to NOT stop for anything, and to roll through the red stoplights. Luckily we only hit 1 red light and all the rest were green. Brian is driving really fast – 80mph in a 40mph zone. Ah! He is awesome!

We are a mile away from the hospital and I have the urge to push. I try to hold back, but it’s painful! I grip Brian’s arm and hold him tight through these contractions. [Later, he will complain that I squeeze too hard. Haha. Sorry Bri] I’m moaning and groaning through the pain. I can’t help it. I can’t hold it in. I don’t want to be one of those loud laboring women you see on TV. They are so weird. But for real, I’m doing everything I can to stay quiet, but that is not an option. The moaning was coming out nice and loud, along with practically cutting off circulation to Brian’s arm because I’m squeezing so hard.

In between these intense contractions I flip up into the seat and put my feet on the dashboard. PUSH! It comes again.

Brian shouts “DON’T PUSH ADRI, DON’T PUSH!”

I’m trying so hard to hold back pushing. It’s almost uncontrollable.

I know I’m fully dilated. I can feel the baby crowning.

“THIS BABY IS COMING!!!!!” I shout.

We pull up to the Emergency exit. Brian runs for a wheelchair and he wheels me inside.

3:11am – We are met by 2 nurses, a male and a female. The female nurse is casually asking for my name, putting on gloves, and saying that they’ll “check me”. The male nurse is at the computer and asks for my birthdate.

Brian asks for a Charge Nurse.

Another pushing contraction comes.

“THIS BABY IS COMING OUT OF ME!!!!” I shout while gripping my big gigantic round belly and trying so hard not to poop this baby out right there in the ER entrance.

Another nurse comes around the corner and takes one look at us and yells “RUN!” while pointing down a long hallway to our right.

Brian pushes my wheelchair at FULL SPEED. Contractions still coming, grunting and cringing, trying not to push.

The nurse is running full strides next to us. Asks what # or baby this is, and also says she needed a workout tonight and is happy to run with us. Haha J

This is serious Hollywood cinema laboring right here! I feel like I should be in a movie!

Brian wheels me into a room. Several nurses join us. They are running around, they weren’t ready for a laboring woman at all. (Which is confusing, because it’s a labor/delivery room, and they are labor and delivery nurses….)

“GET THESE PANTS OFF ME” I yell.
I rip off my shoes and hop on the hospital bed before the next contraction starts (I can feel it coming and I don’t want to have another contraction in that blasted wheelchair)

The wheel chair is slightly wet. I quickly take off the pajama pants I’m wearing. CONTRACTION. OUCH!!! I can feel the head. I can feel everything so much that I don’t need a mirror or anything to know the baby is crowning and on its way out. Pain.

“WHAT DO I DO WITH MY LEGS? SOMEONE GRAB MY HANDS! WHAT DO I DO?”

Brian grabs both my hands. A nurse sees my legs apart and a baby’s head coming out and finally comes to our aid. [Brian tells me later that all the nurses eyes went WIDE and they were in shock when they realized what was happening]

The nurse says not to push too hard, because I don’t want to tear, and to relax my legs a little.

Okay…breathe…not too hard….breathe….babys head is coming….oh crap…oh crap…this is really happening….more of baby’s head…. RING OF FIRE!!!!!

Numb…

No feeling…

What just happened?....Sigh….breathe…close eyes.

“…one more small push for the shoulders, small push, come on, lets get the shoulders out” says the nurse.

I attempt a small push…maybe…I am exhausted and can’t feel much.

Gushing hot fluid, warm legs, baby is born @ 3:14am with no epidural, no doctor, and just about no nurse! 3 minutes after we arrive at the hospital our baby is born. 3 MINUTES! That is insane…this baby was almost born in the car (and that would have been a lot cheaper!)

I’m still fully clothed from the waist up. I think someone gets me a blanket for my exposed lower half and Brian helps me take my shirt off and hospital gown on. Baby is with me now, he is here! I’m so tired. He is blueish and covered in white stuff (totally normal, but movies don’t show it this way, so it’s still a little weird to me).

I’m in shock. Did that just happen? What happened? I just gave natural child birth. NATURAL? WHAT? This is crazy. Did this just happen?

Brian stays with our baby. They have him in the room with us. He is 20” long and weighs 7 pounds. [So exact! Cool buddy!]

My body is shaking. No, its on FULL VIBRATE MODE! What is going on? I’m freezing and asking for water. Feels like an eternity and someone finally gives me a little cup of water. I’m so thirsty. Shaking uncontrollably.

Still no doctor. He is on the way. The nurse keeps asking me questions. I completely ignore her. I’m annoyed. So agitated that she is asking me questions right now. I need more water. I’m freezing and shaking and jaw chattering, arms and legs are wiggling/shaking and I feel so weird. I just gave natural childbirth. Can this lady just shut the heck up and let me “rest from my labors for a season”? I am in shock, feeling cold, alone, thirsty, shaky, and now add ANNOYED AT NURSE. I want to enjoy this time SO badly! But I cant. Not one bit. My baby and husband were across the room. Baby screaming from all the “tests”, and I was feeling so lonely and horrible, and thirsty.

Nurse, shut up! I’m not going to tell you my SSN or my medical history right now. I just freaking gave birth. Leave me alone. This is all in my mind, I’m too exhausted to tell her to shut up, too exhausted to tell her to please be quiet.

Finally, the doctor arrives. He doesn’t look at my face [not even once…that I can recall]. He delivers the placenta. Then, he says I’m bleeding too much, that my uterus isn’t contracting as quick as he wants and orders Pitocin via an IV. Ugh, I’m so annoyed. If they would just give me my baby back and let me breastfeed, then I would produce my own hormones to get my uterus to contract. This doctor is just tired and lazy and doesn’t want to wait for me to produce the hormones on my own. I have to be here at 3pm, SO SHOULD HE! I don’t say anything…I don’t know why…I’m just too tired to advocate for myself. Too tired and thirsty to say anything at all. [P.S. I didn’t even tear “down there”. Phew! What a relief! No stitches! Rock on!]

The nurse starts an IV and complains that I’m dehydrated and its hard to get the vein. SERIOUSLY!!!!???? I’VE BEEN ASKING FOR WATER SINCE I WAS WHEELED IN THE DOORS!!! I’ve always, always, always been told what easy veins I have by any nurse. This is another reason this nurse is pissing me off. The IV hurts so bad. [side note: over the next 6 hours it half way falls out twice and it hurts way bad. I ask constantly for it to be removed and they keep saying “no”. Finally, it falls out and bleeds EVERYWHERE and I tell them to NOT put it back in. Sheesh. And another doctor tells me afterward that they shouldn’t have given me an IV at all, that it should have been a 1 time shot of Pitocin, not a full out IV drip of it. Ugh, imbeciles.]

After what feels like a lifetime (but probably only 2 hours) they take us to the postpartum/recovery room. Ah, relief! Now I can relax and enjoy my baby and husband in peace. Everything about the labor and delivery room and nurses was completely annoying and terrible. If I ever have another child, I’ll know better and speak up for myself.

Baby is great at nursing. I’m so glad, and feel so happy when I look at him.

I’m amazed that I’m up and walking around so easily! The recovery seems to be much easier already. Perhaps it was the natural (no epidural) factor, or that I didn’t tear. Either way, I’m so glad I can walk around and I’m not stuck in bed with numb or weak legs.

Eat, sleep, nurse, repeat….. for 3 days. Heaven J

It took us a long time to name him. On the 2nd day in the hospital we named him Luke, and the 3rd day we chose his middle name Wade.

Luke Wade Johnson. Welcome to this earth. We are so glad you've come.

Short version:
2:10 am : I went into labor

2:20 am : Called our mother in law to come over and babysit our other kids.

2:45 am : Brian drove me to the hospital.

3:11 am : Arrived at the hospital.

3:14 am : Baby was born with NO epidural, NO doctor, and ALMOST NO nurse!

From start to finish was just about 1 hour. I feel like super woman! J